


Echoes

by Crookes



Category: The Last Kingdom (TV), The Warrior Chronicles | The Saxon Stories - Bernard Cornwell
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Pining, Swearing, TLKFFF2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25718632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crookes/pseuds/Crookes
Summary: Uhtred forced himself to calm down and leaned more heavily against Finan, as if by the weight of his body alone he could make Finan believe he was safe, protected.
Relationships: Finan/Uhtred of Bebbanburg
Comments: 12
Kudos: 53





	Echoes

**Author's Note:**

> Back at it again..
> 
> For the Hurt/Comfort prompt from TLKFFF: Round 3, I'm so happy I finally got something done in time to submit because there's some seriously amazing fic coming out of it and out of the TLK fandom in general :)
> 
> Also thank you so much to the enabler gang, this would not have got finished without you ♥

Uhtred had taken first watch. He did not expect trouble but he always took his share of watch duty, a Lord who did not share the burdens of his men had no business leading them into battle. It was one of the only good things his father had taught him. That, and how to duck a punch.

Night had fully settled around him now, he had not lit a fire, he didn’t expect trouble but he also didn’t want to invite trouble. Instead he let his mind wander, the rustle of wind through the trees and the call of night-birds a soothing melody.

His eyes had adjusted to the dim light of the moon as he watched for movement and pulled his furs closer about his shoulders, if his shift on watch continued to be as quiet as it was at the moment then it would likely pass slowly. Still, it might at least give him time to consider all things that could go wrong with his plan for when they reached Lundene.

It was barely an hour later that a choked off cry echoed through the air and Uhtred was immediately on his feet, it had come from camp which meant there was every chance someone had slipped past either himself or one of the other men on guard. It also meant that the potential attacker had been determined enough to get past their defences and was therefore dangerous.

Uhtred kept close to the ground as he rushed the couple hundred yards back to camp, hoping to catch whoever it was off guard, but when he got there he saw no one, only Finan sat upright, staring at him in the dying light of the fire.

“Did you see someone? What happened?” Uhtred hissed quietly at Finan, still looking around in case someone would lurch out of the shadows.

“No one, there’s no one Uhtred, it was just me, I’m sorry, you can go back to watch, Rypere will be up to relieve you soon,” Finan reassured him.

It was only then, noticing the raggedness of Finan’s breath, that Uhtred looked back to see that his friend was shaking.

“What happened?” Uhtred repeated, more forcefully this time.

Finan grimaced, “A dream, it’s nothing, go back to watch.”

“A dream? You mean…?” Uhtred left the question hanging.

“Yes, one of those dreams, it’s fine, I’m fine, you’re meant to be on watch and I should be going back to sleep,” Finan snapped pointedly, but his breath was still short and there was a tremor in his shoulders that belied how scared he truly was.

Uhtred sat down facing his friend, ignoring Finan’s attempt to shrug him off. He was more concerned about Finan than he was about keeping watch when there were three other men currently doing that and only one of him, here, now, wanting to help.

Finan narrowed his eyes but made no further protest, he had been with Uhtred long enough to realise the futility of it once Uhtred had made a decision.

“I thought they had stopped?” Uhtred asked.

“Just less frequent, didn’t want to bother you,” Finan grunted, pushing sweat-damp hair back from his forehead.

_Didn’t want to accept the comfort you’d offer in a moment of selfishness. Didn’t want the guilt that would come after._

Ever since the slave ship Finan had dreamt of drowning. He had usually been too exhausted to dream of anything whilst he had been shackled but within a week of being made free by Uhtred’s brother, the dreams had arrived.

It never started the same but it always ended with water rushing in, with him trying to scream and feeling his lungs fill with saltwater.

Sometimes he was back on Sverri’s ship, mistaken for dead when he passed out at the oar and chucked overboard.

Sometimes he was safe at home and the water just rushed in from nowhere.

Sometimes he heard Uhtred calling for help from beyond the tide and was dragged under as he tried desperately to reach him.

He wasn’t lying when he said that the dreams had become less frequent but the fear remained the same each time.

Uhtred was still looking at him with the same pained expression as well.

“I’ll wake Rypere and stay with you,” Uhtred told him.

“Don’t be daft, go back to watch, I only need a moment and I’ll return to sleep Lord,” Finan insisted, hoping the use of Uhtred’s title would remind him of his duties and perhaps put some much needed distance between them.

“You forget who you’re talking to Finan, I know you won’t fall asleep and besides I’ll make it up to Rypere, he won’t mind.”

Though that was hardly what Finan was worried about, Uhtred was already moving away before he could protest any further.

Uhtred stayed quiet, not wanting to wake any of the other men, and quickly found Rypere.

He grunted when Uhtred shook his shoulder.

“What’s wrong, Lord?”

“Nothing, can you take over watch a little early?” Uhtred asked.

“Of course Lord, anything I need to know?” Rypere was looking at him with a puzzled expression but Uhtred patted his shoulder reassuringly.

“No, all is quiet, should be a peaceful night. Berg will take over for you in a few hours.”

By the time Rypere had gone to his post and Uhtred returned to Finan the Irishman’s breathing had eased a little but his face was still pale and clammy.

Uhtred flopped next to his friend with a comfortable sigh.

“Want to tell me?”

“No,” Finan huffed, annoyed at needing to be looked after even if it was just Uhtred, then he softened it with a wry smile, “You’ve heard it all before anyway.”

“It’s been a few years, refresh my memory,” Uhtred answered lightly, careful to keep his eyes on the dying fire and not on Finan, too much scrutiny and Uhtred knew he would retreat.

Silence fell between them as Uhtred waited and Finan tried to find his voice.

“Winchester.”

“That shit-stain of a town?” Uhtred chuckled.

“The very one,” Finan echoed his amusement, “I was walking down the street, looking for someone, I can’t even remember who,” Finan rubbed a hand across his face and growled in frustration.

Uhtred leaned close enough to rest their shoulders together in silent comfort.

Finan breathed out and in again.

“I didn’t even hear it, there were people around one moment and then the street was deserted and I turned and saw the wave coming at me. It was so fast, I didn’t, I couldn’t….my lungs were filling up and _I couldn’t escape._ ” Finan’s breath hitched, growing faster again and Uhtred’s fists clenched.

The 2 years Uhtred had spent aboard Sverri’s ship had scarred his body and his mind in ways that he wasn’t sure he even fully understood yet but Finan had been in that hell even longer, without an ally, without a friend. It made Uhtred feel sick with rage.

But rage was of no use to Finan right now.

Uhtred forced himself to calm down and leaned more heavily against Finan, as if by the weight of his body alone he could make Finan believe he was safe, protected. 

“I’m sorry, I’m fine, I’m better than this, it’s just a dream,” Finan sighed eventually, his body sagged but he didn’t move away from the warmth Uhtred offered, as much as he told himself he should.

Uhtred scoffed, not willing to indulge that line of thought, Finan did not have and never would have anything to apologise for but Uhtred had told him that before and only Finan could make himself believe it.

Instead Uhtred turned and pushed Finan back down onto his bed of furs, Finan let himself be moved, only watching Uhtred with hesitant confusion. Uhtred ignored the question in his eyes as he grabbed the blanket that had been tossed aside when Finan awoke and pulled it across both of them.

He lay down next to his friend, their sides pressed up against each other.

“Uhtred, what are you doing?” Finan asked, his tone one step away from admonishing.

“Go to sleep, I’m not going anywhere,” Uhtred answered, already shuffling to find the most comfortable position against the hard earth. He could probably pull some of the furs under Finan across but honestly he had slept on worse. 

“Uhtred- ,” Finan began.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Uhtred repeated firmly.

“I always knew you were mad but this is a new one on me,” Finan grumbled half-heartedly.

Uhtred turned and grinned at him, swift and wicked. “Well you should know by now never to try and reason with the mad.”

“Sweet Jesus preserve me,” Finan cursed quietly.

Uhtred smiled a little smugly but let Finan pretend to be grumpy, he turned more fully onto his side and let his hand rest against the top of Finan’s arm. Slow enough not to startle him or annoy him with molly-coddling but there all the same, a promise that Finan was not alone.

“If this was you, you’d tell me to fuck off and just get drunk till you passed out, you do realise that right?” Finan chided.

“Would I?” Uhtred hummed, already feeling his eyes slip closed. Perhaps with most he would, but Finan had never been most.

Finan sighed, realising he was running out of arguments. He was absolutely _fucked_ , and well, if he was already fucked then he might as well enjoy it.

Uhtred was already half-way to sleep when he felt Finan curl into him but the warmth lingered on into his dreams.

The recapture of Lundene went well. They managed to sneak in and open one of the south gates for Edwards’ forces. Uhtred enjoyed the victory and suffered through the politically charged snide remarks during the feast that followed.

He would blame it on being preoccupied but he had always hated Saxon feasts, each time they seemed more for the sake of performance than for any actual enjoyment.

He just wanted to be home. He wanted time to consider what it meant that he had felt so cold when he had awoken alone several mornings ago. He wanted time to consider what it meant that Finan had been avoiding him ever since.

Finan had stood next to him in the shield wall when they took Lundene as he always did but before that and after the man had proved annoyingly scarce.

Uhtred wondered if he had pushed his friend too far, forced his attempt at comfort on him to the point that Finan could now not stand to be in the same vicinity as him.

It made Uhtred feel on edge, nervous in a way that he had not been able to purge even with the fury of battle.

By the time they were travelling back to Coccham the nervousness had become a heavy stone in Uhtred’s stomach.

He did not realise how quiet the ride was without Finan nattering and making jokes next to him. Osferth attempted to make conversation but it was constantly over-shadowed by the loud bursts of laughter from a few ranks behind them, where Finan now rode with Sihtric and Rypere.

Uhtred refused to give in to the urge to look back but he felt his mood worsening by the second all the same.

He tried to catch Finan’s eye again when they camped overnight but Finan was looking anywhere but him the whole time and before Uhtred had figured out a way to extricate Finan from the rest of the men and ask him _what the hell was wrong,_ Finan had already gone to sleep for the night.

Uhtred held out hope that it would pass and tried not to snap at his men too much but even they started to avoid him, cautious of his temper. Back home was no better, Finan spoke to him only in half-sentences and always left as soon as he could. It was infuriating.

Which is how Uhtred found himself half-drunk and maudlin and begging Hild for help.

“What the hell am I meant to do with a second-in-command who won’t even talk to me?” Uhtred griped.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad, Uhtred,” Hild replied with a raised eyebrow.

“You can’t tell me that you haven’t noticed him practically running in the opposite direction anytime I’m near?!” Uhtred exclaimed, dragging a hand through his hair.

“He’s probably just been busy,” Hild answered, a placating hand on Uhtred’s arm.

“Hild,” Uhtred gave her a flat look.

“Fine then, why do you think he’s avoiding you?” Hild asked with a sigh.

Uhtred paused and took a long sip of his drink. At first he had thought Finan was annoyed with him, each man had his pride and by insisting on helping him he had perhaps wounded Finan’s. But Uhtred knew Finan and if that had been the case Finan would have forgiven him within days.

Which meant this was something else.

“I think… I think I crossed a line, made him feel uncomfortable,” Uhtred admitted quietly, staring at the fire to avoid Hild’s gaze.

“Uhtred, what happened?” Hild asked.

So he told her, and good woman that she was, she listened quietly, letting Uhtred get it out.

“If he’s still having the dreams he probably doesn’t want me to know, too embarrassed by my attempt to help. It’s not like we haven’t slept next to each other before, I didn’t think it would be an issue!” Uhtred concluded with an exasperated swing of his hand. “Only now I wonder if I’ve broken a trust between us or if he’s just stubbornly decided to suffer in silence. Has he spoken to you at all? Said anything about why he can’t stand the sight of me?”

Hild bit at her bottom lip, hesitating. It was not her secret to tell and yet… too many times she had watched as Finan tracked Uhtred’s movements when he wasn’t looking and then seen Uhtred glance back at Finan as soon as he had turned away. She wanted to knock their heads together sometimes.

Finan was clearly painfully aware of his own feelings whilst Hild wasn’t sure that Uhtred had even considered what he felt for Finan went beyond what one would normally feel for a friend.

If she could just provide the right push at the right time then perhaps two people she cared for greatly in this world might find a little joy amidst the darkness.

“Hild? I’m worried, if you know anything…?” Uhtred asked softly, prompting her.

Hild brought a hand to the side of his face with a fond smile.

“Oh Uhtred, what am I to do with you?”

“String me up probably, most people seem to want to,” Uhtred muttered darkly.

“Uhtred you are not one for self-pity, do not start now,” Hild told him firmly, shaking his head slightly. She sighed and dropped her hand to his, “Finan cares for you,” she continued, “he always has.”

“He’s one of my oldest friends Hild, bar you, of course we care about each other,” Uhtred stated, looking at Hild like he couldn’t decide if she was being obtuse on purpose, most Christians seemed to like doing that but Hild had always been straight with him.

Hild rolled her eyes and laughed at him.

“Listen to me alright? He doesn’t just care about you, he cares _for_ you.”

“What does that even ….mean?” Uhtred swallowed as the words sunk in, “Oh.”

“Yes, _oh._ Just think on it alright, you probably scared the hell out of him, give him some time,” Hild rose then and placed a fond kiss on the crown of Uhtred’s head before leaving him to consider it.

Uhtred stayed, staring into the fire long into the night.

Uhtred didn’t know what to do with himself the next day and realised now why Finan had been avoiding him because he honestly had no idea what he would do if he saw the man but running away was definitely an option.

His skin felt too tight, he hadn’t realised that was a sensation he could feel but feel it he did. It hurt in a shivery, achy kind of way that was maddening. Getting stabbed in the gut had felt better than this.

The distance between him and Finan felt larger than it had since Finan had begun avoiding him. A thread stretched tight.

Uhtred was angry, he realised, not an unfamiliar emotion but he so rarely felt it towards Finan. They had come to know everything about each other but Finan had still kept this from him.

If he spent the whole day crashing around in a foul mood then at least no-one seemed to notice anything different from the previous days so he was mostly left alone. He took his frustrations out on the training grounds instead, swinging Serpent-Breath again and again and again until he couldn’t tell if the ache in his bones was from exertion or from this unnameable thing in his chest.

He thought the exhaustion would coax him to sleep as soon as he returned to bed but within an hour he realised sleep would not come. He needed answers and there was only one person who could provide them.

Finan’s house was dark when Uhtred got there, quiet and still, in complete opposition to the buzzing in his head.

He hadn’t yet figured out what he was going to do or say but he knew that neither he or Finan could go on like this.

He made some noise as he entered the house, wanting at least to give Finan some warning of his arrival but nothing and no-one stirred so he ducked into the side room where he knew Finan slept.

Finan was facing away from him on the bed, his chest was rising up and down fitfully but he didn’t appear to be awake. Uhtred moved forward and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching for Finan’s shoulder before he had even thought it through, knowing only that Finan was not sleeping peacefully and that he couldn’t bear it.

He shook Finan gently, and then harder.

“Finan… Finan!”

Finan swung at him as he woke, eyes bleary and breath gasping.

“Finan, it’s me! Calm down! It’s just me!” Uhtred grabbed Finan’s other shoulder, holding him steady till he saw recognition dawn in his eyes.

“Jesus Uhtred, what the fuck are you doing here?” Finan asked accusingly, his voice still gravelly with sleep.

“Me? What the fuck are _you_ doing? Less frequent you said! But here you are scared out your damn mind again!” Uhtred let go of Finan and rubbed a hand across his forehead, annoyed at being dragged into an argument, annoyed at the worry that clenched around his heart. 

Finan watched him carefully, breath rasping between them.

“Are you alright?” Uhtred asked eventually, staring at the floor as he waited quietly for the response.

“I’m fine,” Finan grunted.

“You’re clearly not,” Uhtred growled, annoyed again at Finan’s attempt to shrug off his concern.

“Well I was! I was absolutely fine until you barged in and… and…” Finan snarled in frustration suddenly. He sat up fully and leaned with his back against the wall, face dark and disinclined to offer Uhtred anything further.

“Till I what, Finan?” Uhtred pressed but Finan just glared at him, his forehead was still damp with sweat and Uhtred had to clench his fists in the bedsheet to stop himself from reaching to wipe it away.

Uhtred let silence drop between them and focused on his own breath, in and out and in and out, finally it seemed Finan’s breath eased to match his and Uhtred gathered himself to keep pressing.

“I talked to a friend yesterday,” Uhtred commented, watching the moon through the small window across from him, “the person I usually talk to was nowhere to be found you see, so I needed some advice.”

“They said some things that made me realise I might have been stupid,” Uhtred continued. Finan snorted and Uhtred couldn’t help but turn and grin at him. “They told me that I might have been blind to another friends troubles and that in attempting to help I might have made those troubles worse.”

“Uhtred – “ Finan began but Uhtred cut him off, determined to get this out whilst he could.

“Only, only when I thought about it I realised that my other friend had been hurting for no bloody reason and if he had just _come_ to me then maybe this whole mess could have been avoided,” Uhtred concluded.

“You can’t just make the dreams disappear, Uhtred,” Finan sighed.

“Not what I’m talking about.”

“Then what the hell are you talking about?”

Uhtred turned and pulled Finan to him before either of them could blink. It was intoxicating feeling Finan’s lips beneath his. His heart was still thumping, rabbit-quick, but it felt freer, lighter.

Until Finan pushed him away.

“Uhtred, no,” Finan pleaded.

“Tell me, tell me that you didn’t sleep better that night than you have since Sverri,” Uhtred rasped.

“Jesus, you’re not doing this out of pity just because of some damn nightmares?” Finan cried.

“No! Who the hell do you think I am?” Uhtred rebuked. “I want this, Finan- _I want this_.”

Uhtred felt the tremor in Finan’s hand shudder across his collarbone as the Irishman tried to hold onto his decision to keep the distance between them.

“I can’t Uhtred, _we_ can’t,” Finan said finally.

“Why?”

“Because there is nothing in this, I cannot offer you anything but ruin. You’re already hated enough by priests and Saxons alike, this will only make it worse. I will not be the reason you are forced to leave your home,” Finan argued.

“Then we don’t tell the whole of England, that does not mean we cannot have this, we have both suffered too much to not take a little joy when we find it,” Uhtred told him. Secretly he thought that he would not care if the whole damn world despised him but clearly Finan did care so he did not try to push Finan further than he would go lest he lose what chance he had.

“Is it not worth it?” Uhtred asked gently.

Finan laughed, the sound choked and wet in his throat.

“You don’t know what you’re asking,” Finan warned him.

“I do. I know what I’m asking and it’s worth it to me, is it worth it to you?” Uhtred asked again.

Finan sighed raggedly and Uhtred gave in to the urge to push the sweat-damp hair from Finan’s forehead.

Uhtred leaned forwards again, slow enough for Finan to push him back if he so wished but Finan just dug blunt fingernails into the side of Uhtred’s neck.

Uhtred had a fleeting thought that it tasted even better this time but then could think of nothing else but the warmth that enveloped him. He could feel the scritch of Finan’s beard and taste the need on his tongue when he surged up to lick into Uhtred’s mouth.

It was more than intoxicating. It was all-encompassing.

When the sun rose the next morning Finan realised that he had slept soundly the whole night. He breathed in Uhtred’s scent and moved his hand from where it was curled around Uhtred’s middle to rest against his heart, letting Uhtred’s steady heartbeat lull him back into a doze.

They could risk a few more hours.

**Author's Note:**

> If I've missed anything in editing feel free to shout at and/or judge me
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! They suffer a lil but they figure it out in the end :)


End file.
